The Decadence of the Young
a NEW IMPROVED HEAD special report
As a previous article has noted, many of the staff here are members of the elderly community. For that article we older people were forced to undertake the stereotyped ageist task of producing wisdom on demand. Now, thanks to a clever tactic we have seized control of the office from the young punks who oppressed us in this heartless elitist way (never underestimate the power of people with access to vast supplies of Metamucil).
Now that we are liberated we can take part in the traditional rights and customs of the old. In this article, we're going to part in the fascinating ritual of complaining about today's young people. Let's face it, in comparison with the vibrant, dynamic, concerned, involved youth of the 1960s, today's youth are a pretty sorry lot. Don't believe us? Here's a list of some of the many ways in which they fall short of the high standard established back there in the age of beach party movies, My Mother the Car, and Lawrence Welk:
Today's young people: walk around all the time with cellphones clapped to their ears.We could, in the time-honoured tradition of the elderly community, go on and on about this. But we got to get to this Jimmy Buffett concert.
Youth of the '60s: walked around all the time with transistor radios clapped to their ears.Today: obsessed with wearing the right brand of clothes.
'60s: obsessed with driving the right make of car.Today: practise sexual liberation.
'60s: talked a lot about practising sexual liberation.Today: wear bizarre and unattractive hair styles
'60s: wore tasteful beehives, jelly rolls, and Beatle cuts.Today: listen to Cher.
'60s: listened to Sonny and Cher.Today: don't vote.
'60s: couldn't vote.Today: listen to mind-numbing rap music.
'60s: listened to Lesley Gore.Today: talk on those damn cellphones constantly.
'60s: talked on home phone constantly.Today: believe in self-esteem.
'60s: believed in self-actualization.Today: go to Rolling Stones concerts.
'60s: went to Rolling Stones concerts and tore the arena apart.
Posted May 20, 2004
The Decadence of the Young © Coolth, 2004
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