Wisdom of the Aged
an NIH special report
Our elders have long been recognized as a source of valuable wisdom gained from a lifetime of rich experience, unless of course we're talking about elders who live anywhere near us, who seem always to be the type who spend their time complaining about everything and planning to bankrupt the Canada Pension Plan.
Anyway, we've got a lot of the old bastards round the office taking up valuable space, so we thought we'd see if we could get them to earn their keep and come up with some of that wisdom they're so famous for. After much griping they finally managed to fork over a crumpled sheet of paper on which they had scrawled the following maxims:
They tried, but they are old.
- Those who know no history are condemned to repeat it; those who do know history are condemned to ignore it.
- If you really want to annoy a woman, ask her if she hasn't put on a few pounds lately.
- Whether the federal government pays a 50% share of health care costs or a 16% share, whoever pays for health care is getting the money from you.
- The more things you know how to do, the more you will have to do them. The better you are at doing something, the less satisfied you will be with the way you do it.
- If everybody's doing it, your chance to make money doing it is long gone.
- You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar, but, really, you catch the most flies with shit.
- There's always a miracle diet around that everyone believes makes the pounds just melt away, and there's always as many fat people as there always were.
- If you pay someone else to let you do something, that's entertainment. If someone else pays you to do something, that's work. If they tell you how to do it, that's a job.
- Your self-control is greater the less self you have to control.
- You can't step into the same river twice, but you sure as hell can step into the same shit twice.
- In the country of the idiots, the biggest fucking idiot is king.
Posted on March 18, 2004
Wisdom of the Aged © Coolth, 2004
Click the banner or click here for Coolth
Commentary | Home