The Deficient Duchess
by modern living editor Jason Capodimonte
March 20, 2005
Just when was it that teenage girls became the driving force of Western civilization? Can anyone pin that down?
You know, the recent marriage of Prince Charles to Camilla Parker-Bowles raised several serious issues, including constitutional ones. Most of the public commentary about the marriage, though, has consisted of disparagement of the new Duchess of Cornwall's looks.
Well, that's mature. Everyone's been pretending that they're one of the popular girls and that Camilla is the unpopular one who'll never be allowed to eat at their table. And then she starts going steady with the quarterback! Everyone was beside herself.
That Prince Charles is a rotter, too. Back in 1981 he seemed to be carrying out the adolescent girl's fantasy of the rich, powerful man who plucks a young girl from obscurity and places her in a position where she need fear no one. But then he starts cheating on her the day after the honeymoon!
That's pretty well par for the course for British titled nobs, but the daughter of a British titled nob who had just become the Princess of Wales professed later to have been cruelly surprised by this. Which didn't keep her from fooling around herself, mind. But she was hurt.
The concentration on the current Duchess of Cornwall's looks is exaggerated, and it is exaggerated for a reason. The Duchess is certainly not as hideous as she's been made out to be, especially as she carries herself with an attractive confidence that is a product of – what is it the product of, Diana-lovers? – you don't know? – then I'll tell you. She carries herself with an attractive confidence that is the product of maturity. Not for Camilla the studied public persona of the late Princess of Wales, but rather an attractive openness and sincerity. I like it, myself.
But the Duchess of Cornwall has to be derided as ugly because the late Princess of Wales was officially Beautiful. In fact, she was better-looking than average, and better-looking than the current Duchess of Cornwall, but her looks did not rise above conventional prettiness. However, her role in the showbiz spectacular which British royalty has become is that of the Beautiful Young Princess, and to exaggerate her beauty the looks of her rival have to be disparaged. So in the public mind Camilla must be hideous.
Well, I hear you asking, who cares, really? The doings of the British royal family aren't all that important in the grand scheme of things.
The problem, though, is that millions of people care, and their care consists of adolescent fantasizing. I expect any day soon that someone will claim that Camilla slipped Diana's chauffeur a poisoned apple just before her last fatal trip.
And what's wrong with adolescent fantasizing? One problem is that people don't seem able to distinguish their adolescent fantasy from reality. Another problem is that people are reacting to important events in stereotyped adolescent ways. The death of John Paul II was turned by a large segment of the public into an opportunity to indulge in the histrionics of grief, as was the death of Pierre Trudeau a few years ago. So that people might indulge their histrionic tendencies, they decided that these two men were Great Leaders whose loss was a tragedy. So you end up with adults who believe that Pierre Trudeau was the greatest of Canadian prime ministers. Sir John A., Sir Wilf, Bill King, Lester – bunch of second-raters, really. They didn't date Barbra Streisand.
Well, I wish the Princess of Wales hadn't died so young, and I was sad when John Paul II died (whenever that may have been) and even when Pierre Trudeau died, even though, unlike most adults in this country, apparently, I can remember a time when a visitor to this country could have been forgiven for believing that Mr. Trudeau's first and middle names were That and Goddam. As I was saying somewhere back there, I was sad. I was sad for them as human beings, however, and not as Exemplars of Virtue (and I suspect all three of these people would prefer to be remembered as human beings – well, maybe not Mr. Trudeau, despite his being one of our more openly human prime ministers).
And that observation leads us to what is perhaps the greatest problem of the adolescent approach to public events. People refuse to confront the human condition, and the inevitable failures and betrayals which are part of it. I'm not saying that we should overlook failure and betrayal (nor am I arguing that the Prince of Wales is really an All Right Guy), but I do think we have a better chance of overcoming the problems of the human condition if we acknowledge their existence rather than retreat into a world of fantasy where every princess is beautiful, every leader wise and compassionate, and every prince has normal-looking ears.
The Deficient Duchess © John FitzGerald, 2005
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