So in the end Literator Optimus™’s verdict for your summer reading is: re-read Three Men in a Boat.Better Summer Reading through Technology, 2007
by St. Clair Carr, literary editor, NEW IMPROVED HEAD
Five years ago we introduced our amazing advanced book review compression technology, which was able to assess the value of any fictional or biographical literary work by analyzing only its first two paragraphs! However, we weren’t content to stop there. Three years ago we introduced Literator™ 2.0, book review compression software which was able to assess the worth of any of a wider range of works work by analyzing only its first sentence!
But wait – we weren’t done yet. Our new software, Literator Optimus™ 3.1, uses sophisticated book review algorithms to deduce the worth of a book from its title alone! But, you may be saying, no book review software – not even the latest member of the Literator™ family – could possibly do that! But we think you’ll change your mind after you read the following reviews, all produced by Literator Optimus™ 3.1! They’re all of books which you might choose for summer reading, and in only a minute or two Literator Optimus™ 3.1 will tell you which of them are worth taking to the beach.
The author: Deepak Choprah His title: Ageless Body, Timeless Mind The review: Boundless bullshit.
The author : Patricia Schultz Her title: 1,000 Places to See Before You Die The review: When the hell else am I supposed to see them?
The author: Roger Ebert His title: Your Movie Sucks The review: And you’re fat .
The author: Pope Benedict XVI His title: Jesus of Nazareth The review: Gee, I wonder how this one’s going to end?
The author: Suzanne Somers Her title: Ageless: The Naked Truth About Bioidentical Hormones The review: Suzanne Somers knows how to spell bioidentical?
The author: Peggy Collins Her title: Help is Not a Four-letter Word The review: Could I see some books by people who’ve learned how to count, please?
The author: Peter Pigott His title: Canada in Afghanistan: The Story So Far The review: We lost, right?
The author: Wayne W. Dyer His title: Inspiration: Your Ultimate Calling The review: Our ultimate calling until his next book, that is.
The author: Neale Donald Walsch His title: Home with God: In a Life that Never Ends The review: So why do we have all these cemeteries?
The author: Kevin Trudeau His title: Natural “Cures” Revealed The review: It’s not a lie if I put quotation marks around it, see.
The author: Anthony De Stefano His title: Ten Prayers God Always Says Yes To The review: Prayer no. 1: “Please ignore the following request….”.
Books reviewed may not be typical. Critical statements refer to the title only. Critical principles described do not apply to technical works. American and other foreign editions may come differently equipped. Your results may vary.
Better Summer Reading Through Technology, 2007 ©
John FitzGerald, 2007
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