How to End Terrorism The savage cruelty of the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon makes it imperative that immediate effective action be taken to end terrorism before even worse attacks are undertaken. NEW IMPROVED HEAD believes that the most effective approach is to strike directly at the perpetrators.
an editorial
We must eradicate the people responsible for terrorism, we must destroy that group which above all others has demonstrated its insatiable appetite for cruelty, terror, and the perfection of violence. That group, of course, is the human race. This despicable species, despite its frequent assertions of its dedication to the good, actually spends most of its time thinking up new, more effective forms of savagery and terror. Unless action is taken, it will soon have thought up even newer forms which will make the attacks of September 11, 2001 look like acts of charity.
We therefore urge you to petition your elected representatives now for immediate and total nuclear war. Every nuclear weapon in the world should be exploded, creating a nuclear winter which the depraved human species cannot survive.
Until such time as our elected representatives can be persuaded to undertake this work for the good of the planet, we urge you to do the next best thing, which is to hasten global warming and other forms of environmental destruction. Buy a second car and leave it idling in the driveway at all times. Buy large quantities of CFCs and release them into the atmosphere. Invest in companies dedicated to the destruction of the rainforest.
The events of September 11 have shown what the human race can achieve when it strives to accomplish evil. Imagine what we can achieve if we work together for the good! If all goes well the largest living species left on earth will be the cockroach, and cockroaches are looking pretty admirable right now.
How to End Terrorism© Coolth, 2001
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