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Christmas Party Tips
an NIH special report

As many of you know, the Ontario Superior Court ruled this year that an employer who let a drunken employee refuse to be driven home from a Christmas party was liable for a substantial portion of the costs the employee incurred after a car accident due to her drunk driving. We at NIH take our public responsibilities seriously, so an emergency meeting of the safety committee was called, and several safety features were incorporated into our annual Christmas party. As we enter the Christmas party season, we offer as a service to you, our readers, a summary of these important safety features.

The following changes to the NIH Christmas party have been approved:

  1. Party to be held in June to reduce risk of ice-related accidents.
  2. Warning label to be posted on Mr. FitzGerald.
  3. Gloves and safety glasses to be worn during gift-opening.
  4. Mr. FitzGerald to be excluded from area within 10 feet of punchbowl.
  5. Christmas cake to be X-rayed for choking hazards.
  6. Christmas stockings to be hung by professional civil engineer.
  7. Mr. FitzGerald to be excluded from area within 10 feet of mistletoe.
  8. Fatty Christmas fare to be available only to employees furnishing certified medical evidence of acceptable cholesterol levels.
  9. Approved illicit sex area with appropriate safety equipment to be established.
  10. After distribution of Christmas bonuses, employees to be excluded from area within 20 feet of Mr. FitzGerald.

All the best for a safe and merry Christmas. For a safe Christmas, anyway.

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