Saddam Tyson
by NIH boxing correspondent Nat Blasé
As the Iraq "war" draws to a close, it becomes increasingly clear that if Saddam Hussein has so-called weapons of mass destruction he's forgotten where he put them. While that possibility cannot be dismissed out of hand, it's more likely that he simply doesn't have any. When his army sends troops off to battle in buses, one is justified in suspecting that Iraq's armed forces don't have much equipment at all.
Previous articles on this site have described President Bush's treatment of Iraq as derived from marketing techniques used in professional wrestling. We who are familiar with the prizefighting game, though, know that boxing is more likely to have provided Mr. Bush's inspiration. Saddam Hussein is George W. Bush's Mike Tyson.
Mr. Tyson is presented in the sporting press as perhaps the greatest heavyweight champion of all time and as the most feared fighter of his generation. This reputation is not justified by his record. His reign as undisputed world heavyweight champion lasted less than two years, until Buster Douglas took the crown from him. He later regained the WBA title from Frank Bruno and the WBC title from Bruce Seldon, but then lost twice in a row to Evander Holyfield. In his only championship fight since losing to Holyfield he was knocked out by Lennox Lewis in eight.
Hardly the stuff of legend, one would think, but the sporting press has made a pretty good legend out of it. The crowning of any new heavyweight champion is immediately followed by rampant speculation about whether he will dare to fight Mike Tyson, about whether Tyson can reclaim his title, and so on.
The fact is that Mike Tyson isn't the fighter he used to be, let alone the fighter we think he used to be. That doesn't matter, though, as long as promoters can get us, and especially sportswriters, to believe their hype. Thanks to the free publicity campaigns conducted by an overwrought sporting press, a fight against Mr. Tyson means big sales and therefore big money for the champion without running any serious risk of losing the title.
Saddam Hussein is George W. Bush's version of Mike Tyson. After an extensive publicity campaign which persuaded a gullible public that Saddam Hussein was the most serious threat to America on the face of the earth, the United States finally got round to staging the Big Fight, in which it seems to have dispatched Iron Saddam in much the same way that Sugar Ray Leonard dispatched Dave "Boy" Green in one of his title defences.
The Americans' opponent (to use the boxing term for a competitor who is not expected to win) before Saddam Hussein was of course Afghanistan, and over the years the United States has fattened up its record on opponents like Yugoslavia and Grenada. Jou Louis's bum-of-the-month club comes to mind.
The trick, of course, is to keep coming up with opponents so you never have to face a contender – a fighter who can beat you. The question we have to wonder about now is whether the United States is avoiding a confrontation with North Korea because North Korea might put up a fight or because the United States wants to hype North Korea as another opponent. If I were Kim Jong-Il, though, I wouldn't be looking forward to a shot at the world championship belt. On the other hand, if I were Marc Forné Molné, head of government of Andorra, or prince Hans-Adam II of Liechtenstein, I'd be signing up for the coalition of the willing right smartly.
Posted April 10, 2003
Saddam Tyson © Coolth, 2003
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