Playoff Preview 2003
a NEW IMPROVED HEAD special report
The regular season is drawing to a close, and the attention of all true fans is shifting to possible playoff matchups. An almost certain first-round matchup will pit the Washington Cowboys, under new coach George "Junior" Bush, against the Bagdad Oilers and their perennial supremo Saddam "Punch" Hussein. Vegas oddsmakers are tipping the Cowboys, but many, including Coach Junior himself, suspect wily old Punch has some tricks up his sleeve.
As a result, Junior's preparations for the playoffs include extensive duct tape drills, which he contends will counter any sneak Oiler attacks. And chief scout Hans "Dutch" Blix is sending voluminous detail about the Oilers' offence and defence back to Cowboy head office.
Most experts pick Washington in a walk, but then most experts picked Oakland in the Super Bowl. If Bagdad decides to bring back its famous Anthrax Offence, there may be money to be made by taking the points.
Of course, if the Cowboys get past the Oilers they will most likely end up facing the redoubtable Pyongyang Proletariat in the final. The Cowboys avoided the Proletariat during the regular season, and many believe canny Proletariat field general Kim "Specs" Jong-Il can manage rings around the untested Bush. And of course with Pyongyang there's always the threat of the long bomb.
The Cowboys and the Bombers haven't squared off in half a century, and then the Cowboys had to reinforce their team with other players from their league just to salvage a tie. The Cowboys, though, were hampered by the questionable decisions of disgraced ex-coach Doug "Fadeaway" McArthur, who accomplished the unprecedented feat of being canned in the first quarter of the final. The consensus of sportswriters is that new honcho Bush will bring fresh new strategic and tactical insights to the showdown.
So warm up the TV, get out your own duct tape and plastic sheets, and settle in for some rock ‘em sock ‘em playoff action! And there's talk that after the final there'll be a new series of Survivor!
Posted March 13, 2003
Playoff Preview 2003 ©
Coolth, 2003
Click the banner or
click here
for Coolth
Commentary | Home