The Rally Monkey as a Clue to the Meaning of the Universe
by Dr. Gareth B. Lapsang,
Department of Sports Ethnology,
Greater Freelton Area College of Applied Arts and Technology
in a recent article on this site, Duff "Twilley" Wilmott discussed some of the findings of research being conducted at Greater Freelton Area College of Applied Arts and Technology into sports fanaticism. Duff noted our preliminary observations that the extreme fanaticism of soccer fans is compensation for the lack of intrinsic interest in the game. We can now reveal that further research has confirmed our hypothesis.
An important source of confirmation has been baseball. In another article Duff noted how baseball is becoming less interesting. As baseball parks become smaller and baseball players much, much larger, home run hitting has become predominant and baserunning is disappearing from the game. As a result, the game has become less interesting. The spectator, of course, feels less aroused if the runner on first base isn't going to try to steal second. Furthermore, the presence of a runner on first base is less likely these days than it used to be to require the second baseman to stay near second base, thus opening up a huge space for the batter to aim for, or to deprive the pitcher of his curve, so offence has become more difficult. In a game in which defence was already favoured, making scoring less likely makes the game less intrinsically interesting. The excitement generated by the average home run doesn't come close to equalling the interest created by a good runner on first base.
The results of these changes have confirmed our theory. This year's World Series had to be pepped up with thundersticks and rally monkeys. People turned out, but mainly to take part in a spectacle rather than to watch a sporting event. Of course, the enjoyment to be obtained from slapping two inflated rubber tubes together is likely to become old really fast, so, if baseball does not do something to bring back baserunning, we can expect baseball fans' behaviour to become more extreme.
Another sport in which we at Greater Freelton are expecting fans' behaviour to become more extreme is hockey. The NHL's campaign against obstruction has been so successful that defencemen are no longer standing up at the blue line. The forwards can waltz over the blue line, so they do. The more demanding tactic of dumping the puck is being abandoned, and with it a) forechecking and b) scoring. A whole category of play has been eliminated from NHL games, so we should soon be seeing an increase in hockey fanaticism to compensate for the diminution of the game's intrinsic interest.
Finally, the Canadian and American football seasons have provided their annual confirmation of our theory. American football can be objectively established as less interesting than Canadian football. For one thing, the rules of American football produce a game with far fewer plays from scrimmage than the Canadian game. Once again American football fans and promoters had to come up with ways to provide extrinsic interest – tailgate parties, spectacular halftime shows, and so on. And of course American football broadcasters talk about the contest they are describing as if it were an event in military history or in Greek mythology.
Is there hope for sports fans? Indeed there is. Some games have become more interesting in recent years. Curling, for example, has made important changes to increase the intrinsic interest of the game. Not so long ago curling matches were threatening to become as long as cricket matches, but the introduction of the time limit has not only reduced its longueurs but added interest as dilatory or careless skips have to beat the clock to avoid losing the game.
So there's your solution, sports fans. If you find yourself debating, for the first time in your life, whether you should paint your face for the game tonight, find out where the nearest bonspiel is and take that in instead.
The Rally Monkey as a Clue to the Meaning of the Univers © Coolth, 2002
Posted on November 28, 2002
