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Iraq Election Preview
by Fergus McAngus, International Centre for Study of the Zeitgeist,
Greater Freelton Area College of Applied Arts and Technology

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Much news coverage has been given to this weekend's planned elections in Iraq, but the chief concern of the coverage seems to be whether the elections will take place or not. Absent from the coverage is any serious analysis of the feelings and beliefs of the Iraqi electorate as it comes to yet another crossroads in its history. What do Iraqis think about the important issues? What are their hopes, their fears, their dreams as they strive to replace chaos with order?

We at the International Centre for Study of the Zeitgeist (ICSZ) at Greater Freelton Area College of Applied Arts and Technology have risen to the challenge that others have shirked. Wanting to know what Iraqis think rather than what Western journalists think about what Iraqis think, we went to the source and conducted a poll of 1,068 Iraqis through ICSZ's Bagdad campus. Results from a sample of this size are accurate within three percentage points 95% of the time, if certain assumptions are correct, which we assume they are 100% of the time.

And now, the first in-depth look at the psyche of Iraqis as they face the democratic challenge, the results of our poll of Iraqi's opinions on the burning issues of the day:

What's your opinion of same-sex marriage?

• Uuuurgh….(5%)
• The evil countries of the West who permit same-sex marriage will suffer the wrath of Allah. (70%)
• All my wives are the same sex. (25%)

Who do you blame for the NHL lockout?

• Is that a wrestling move? (10%)
• The Jews. (90%)

What do you think about Desperate Housewives?

• A desperate housewife has failed in her duty to Allah and will rot in hell for eternity. (50%)
• I don't want to shock you or anything, but we're all desperate here, not just the housewives. (50%)

What do you think of George W. Bush's plan to privatize Social Security?

• I'd rather hear his plan for establishing Iraqi security. (50%)
• If it's as successful as his plan to capture Osama bin Laden, I don't think his opponents have anything to worry about. (50%)

Who do you think will win the Super Bowl?

• Whoever George W. Bush wants to win it. (50%)
• Whoever the Jews want to win it. (50%)

What can the new Iraqi government do to promote multiculturalism?

• Get the Kurds to know their place. (10%)
• Get the Shi'ites to know their place. (20%)
• Unite Iraqis of all origins in the sacred struggle against Zionism. (70%)

Do you think Iraq has WMDs?

• No (50%)
• Weapons of Muslim Destruction? The Americans brought over tons of 'em. (50%)

What do you think the new elected Iraqi leader's title should be?

• Sucker. (10%)
• Lapdog of Zionist imperialism. (20%)
• Target. (70%)

What considerations do you think should guide an Iraqi citizen in making his vote?

• The prosperity of generations of future Iraqis (10%)
• Universal principles of justice (10%)
• If there's an abandoned car parked right in front of the polling station or not. (80%)

What should be the new Iraqi government's highest priority?

• Putting down the insurgency. (10%)
• Taking over the running of the country from the Americans. (10%)
• Wiping Israel from the face of the earth. (80%)

And there you have it, a vivid portrait of the Iraqi soul as Iraq awaits its date with destiny. We wish them well, and hope the obvious success of this project leads funding agencies to give us more contracts for similar ones. We're in the book.

January 26, 2005