How You Didn't Need to Think in 2007!
an NIH special report
Our mission statement here at NEW IMPROVED HEAD is "No need to think any more...here's your NEW IMPROVED HEAD!" We believe that once again in 2007 we outdid ourselves in relieving YOU, our readers, of the need to exercise your critical and analytical faculties, thereby freeing your time for important things like watching Canadian Idol.
Here's a partial list – a partial list! – of important issues YOU didn't need to think about in 2007, thanks to NEW IMPROVED HEAD! If you've slipped and started to think about some of these issues, simply click on the appropriate link and avoid all that wasteful intellectual effort!
- how Oprah hates you girlfriend.
- how to find enlightenment by being shallow.
- why the poker craze is a blow for democracy.
- the benefits and, on the other hand, the advantages of pornography.
- how Tony Blair will bring peace to the middle east.
- how God deals with problems.
- why Art should be spelt with a capital F.
- how Canadians have managed to live in the the environment of their dreams.
- why, now that God is dead, we're lining up to worship a new one.
- why the history of music is the history of the superfreaks of music.
- how to fight evil and make a few bucks at the same time.
- all about the inhuman potential movement.
- why, contrary to received opinion, it is people who are aware of the past who are most likely to repeat it.
- why we don't know much about morality, but we know what we like.
- how music becomes metamusic.
- how Christianity is evolutionarily superior.
- how society has been changed by the password.
- how to pimp your job title.
- arguments for the existence of Richard Dawkins (this is not the parody article that Christins are so fond of, but a serious inquiry into Dr. Dawkins' existence).
- Santa's official position on toxic toys.
- the benefits of turning your self free.
- our new masters.
- the ultimate victim.
- the Toronto cargo cult
- the educational cargo cult.
- how to end child poverty in Canada.
- the community of disunity.
- all about the diet racketeers.
- all about the addiction racketeers.
- the link between Viagra and the Swiffer duster.
You can also verify the accuracy of our predictions for 2007!
Or check out our summaries for previous years: 2006 2005 2004 2003
How You Didn't Need to Think in 2007! © John FitzGerald, 2008
