How You Didn't Need to Think in 2005!
an NIH special report
As we noted last year, our mission statement here at NEW IMPROVED HEAD is "No need to think any more...here's your NEW IMPROVED HEAD!" We believe that once again in 2005 we outdid ourselves in relieving YOU, our readers, of the need to exercise your critical and analytical faculties, thereby freeing your time for important things like watching Canadian Idol.
Here's a partial list – a partial list! – of important issues YOU didn't need to think about in 2005, thanks to NEW IMPROVED HEAD! If you've slipped and started to think about some of these issues, simply click on the appropriate link and avoid all that wasteful intellectual effort!
- how Ontario got taken for a ride on Highway 407!
- why Belinda Stronach crossed the floor!
- why Canadians became Americans' scapegoats!
- is Canadian private television necessary?
- how Frank Sprague invented modern life!
- bleeding heart conservatism!
- neo-corporatism!
- who the greatest singer in the world is!
- how teenage girls became the driving force of Western civilization!
- how accurately syndicated mystics predict the future!
- why the Antiques Roadshow is on every other network on TV!
- what the Canadian, American, and British versions of the Antiques Roadshow tell us about Canadians, Americans, and Britons!
- why other Canadians hate Toronto!
- how the invasion of Iraq resembles the response by authorities to the Detroit riots of 1967!
- why Roman Catholicism needs a new script!
- the Roman Catholic revival!
- why God produces such lousy television shows!
- how He could produce better ones!
- why television is always making women over!
- why television is trying to make everyone else over, too!
- how the Bloc Québécois could save Canada!
- loving your neighbour, or else!
- how to make millions by marketing misery!
- remembering the metric system – whatever happened to that thing, anyway?
- why Canadian sports channels don't broadcast sports!
- all those honours the veterans got in '05!
- how to win the 2006 Canadian federal election!
NEW IMPROVED HEAD – for all your thinking needs!
How You Didn't Need to Think in 2005! © Coolth, 2006
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