The Market Solves the Street Hockey Problem
by Vesper T. Rowan, NETWork Interested In Telling-it-like-it-is
We at NETWIT are admirers of BARF and in the spirit of that estimable organization we humbly advance the following proposal to resolve the emerging crisis in Canada with respect to the conflict between two core Canadian values. We speak, of course, of the clash between the right to play ball sports, especially ball hockey, in the streets of this fair country and the God-given right to protect private property.
The solution is obvious. We need to create a market in the rights to play ball hockey in public streets. All that the councillors of Hamilton, the city that has become the flashpoint of an aghast nation, need do is auction street hockey and street football permits, by street and by hour of the day. Those property owners who feel most exercised about potential damage to property merely have to outbid the sports enthusiasts for the permits. The revenues received would be used to reduce property taxes.
Alternatively, shares in the rights to play sports in public streets could be allocated to all residents of Hamilton and a share exchange set up. People could then buy and sell their shares to accumulate enough rights either to play in a chosen street location for a period of time (perhaps fifteen minute intervals) or to block play. In this way, the good people of Hamilton will be able to express the true value to them of playing ball hockey or protecting their property from ball hockey players.
So what happens if people play when and where they have no rights? Simple. Go to jail. Do not pass Go. They have their chance to buy the rights and if they do not value the rights high enough they should have no rights. What's that we hear from the mealy-mouthed, bleeding-heart crowd? Wouldn't these schemes favour the wealthy? Not really – since most street hockey is played in the neighbourhood of the players, most bidders would be from similar income groups. What about the costs of issuing the permits and setting up and running the exchange (in the latter alternative)? Ever heard of job creation? And these are post-modern, new economy, knowledge-based jobs, to boot. And the computers, well, we know some folks who used to work at the City of Toronto who could get a pretty good deal on some leases...
The Market Solves the Street Hockey Problem © Vesper T. Rowan, 2001
