Have YOU Been Genetically Modified?
They can do anything with genes these days. And in Canada and other countries they don't even have to tell you they've done it.
Are your genes safe? As a public service NEW IMPROVED HEAD is proud to offer you, our readers, the first list ever published of signs that you have been genetically modified.
You may have been genetically modified if:
- you get an urge to reseed your lawn with canola – and when you do, it looks great!
- someone from Monsanto phones you up to let you know you're now their bitch.
- you tell everyone you meet you're the solution to Third World hunger.
- you've had to report to the Patent Office to have a bar code tattooed on your ass.
- you list your children on your income tax return as intellectual property.
- when someone asks "How are you?," you answer "I'm perfectly safe; I couldn't be safer; people who say I'm not safe are hysterical opponents of progress and freedom."
- no matter who you ask, no one will give you a direct answer about whether or not you've been genetically modified.
If you show any of these signs, do not despair. Simply report to your nearest agricultural research station for a full physical examination. If you have been genetically modified, there is still no reason to worry. As long as you are watered daily and kept firmly rooted in topsoil you can lead a rewarding and bountiful life. There is a place for all in The New Millennium of Science and Progress!
Have You Been Genetically Modified? © Coolth, 2001
