Your Gift
a NEW IMPROVED HEAD special reportGood morning/afternoon/evening, sir/madam. How are you today?
My name is _______ and I'm calling on behalf of The War Against Evil ®. As you probably know, several of the world's leading nations have undertaken a worldwide initiative to stamp out Evil in our time! Now, do you agree with me that we would be better off without Evil in the world?
I'm glad to hear that you think that way. If we all work together then Evil doesn't stand a chance!
And I'm calling today to offer you a chance to support this important campaign against the age-old problem of Evil! Did you know that your gift of only $200 will help The War Against Evil ® kill three Iraqi children?
That's right, not just one child, not just two, but three spawn of the Axis of Evil ®!
But that's not all! For every gift of $200 you receive your choice of a The War Against Evil ® coffee mug or a The War Against Evil ® day book!
If you're willing to give a bit more, your gift of only $100,000 will destroy an entire North Korean village (including, of course, its Evil inhabitants)! In appreciation of that gift a tasteful The War Against Evil ® approved fallout shelter is installed in your home!
And if you want to give a billion dollars, The War Against Evil ® will destroy the Evil city of your choice! If you make a gift of that size you get the coffee mug, you get the day book, you get the fallout shelter, and you get not one, not two, not three, but four radiation suits, all personally autographed by George W. Bush! Save them, trade them, sell them to your neighbours for valuable canned goods and ammunition!
Now, how large a donation would you like to make? A billion dollars? A hundred thousand dollars? Two hundred dollars?
Thank you for your generous gift! It will go a long way toward eradicating Evil from the world! All gifts are tax-deductible. However, the cost of bonus items must be declared as income on your income tax return. The War Against Evil ® assumes no liability for unexpected consequences of your gift, including but not restricted to the painful deaths of people who are not Evil, which deaths may include but are not restricted to the deaths of you and your family. Gifts to The War Against Evil ® are not used to increase security against terrorist attacks or terrorists, foreign or domestic. Have an unEvil day.
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