Christmas on the Campaign Trail
an NIH special report
December 21, 2005
We Canadians are currently in the midst of an election campaign which started before (long before) and will end after (long after) Christmas. Strangely, one of the issues which has not featured in the campaign is Christmas itself. In the United States, of course, the "war against Christmas" is threatening to turn into an important political issue. What do our leaders think about the supposed anti-Christmas threat? What kind of Christmas do they envision for Canadians? We sent our intrepid reporters off to interview the party leaders about this contentious issue. Here are their thoughts, or their handlers', or whatever:
- Paul Martin: Let me say this – Christmas has always been an important event in Canadian society and will continue to be so. We in the Liberal Party of Canada will endeavour, as we have always endeavoured, and as we will always continue to endeavour, to preserve this important Canadian tradition. We will create a national Christmas-care program which will create 15,000 additional spaces for Christmas gifts where numbers and need warrant. To ensure the most effective placement of these spaces we will set up a national Christmas gift registry which will enable us to determine the current distribution of Christmas gifts across this great country. I wish all Canadians who want to be wished one a merry Christmas, and would like to remind them that Santa doesn't wear a red suit for nothing. Especially if you work for an advertising agency. Permettez-moi de dire ceci….
- Stephen Harper: Christmas has suffered for too long under the corrupt rule of Liberal governments. Not only will we Conservatives cut taxes to give Canadians the ability to buy more and better Christmas presents, we will also take some of the taxes Canadians pay and give them back in the form of $200 Christmas-gift subsidies every December. Low, low taxes with high, high rebates! How can we do it? – we're crazy!
- Jack Layton: Trust Paul Martin and Stephen Harper to play politics with as sacred an institution as Christmas! We in the New Democratic Party take a different approach – we will refuse to support any minority government that will not implement our program of extension of full Christmas rights to gays and lesbians, the imposition of export taxes on shipments of Christmas gifts to the United States, and a refusal to allow any further privatization of the Christmas system. We are the New Democrats, and we mean business – uh, wait, we don't mean business, because business is evil, but we mean forthright support for the legitimate Christmas aspirations of the Canadian working classes – wait, we don't support the working classes any more, do we? – okay….
- Gilles Duceppe: The Bloc Québécois will demand an end to the Christmas imbalance between Quebec and Ottawa. Joyeux Noël à tous nos compatriotes de langue française au Québec.
We had also hoped to interview Jim Harris of the Green Party, but he seems to have disappeared with that million bucks his party collected in federal campaign financing. But we have managed to get you the positions of the major parties on Christmas, and we are sure that it will be as helpful in helping you decide how to cast your vote as anything else they say. Merry Christmas.
Christmas on the Campaign Trail © John FitzGerald, 2005
Click the banner or click here for Coolth
More commentary | Home