Let's Put Christianity Back into Christmas!
by Pastor Phil of the Church of Tough Love
[For Christmas 2005 the mainstream press decided to give extensive coverage to the "war on Christmas." Of course, here at NEW IMPROVED HEAD we've been all over this issue for the last two years. Here's the article we published about it last Christmas. To read our 2003 coverage just click on the "transformation of Christmas" link in the first sentence.]This Christmas season has seen at last a reaction against the transformation of Christmas into a non-denominational season called "the holidays." People everywhere are standing up and letting people know that Christmas is a Christian festival, and that it's time to stop taking the Christianity out of it.So what's the matter with you? How come you're not out putting the Christianity back into Christmas? All right, maybe you're not sure about how to go about it, so I'm giving you, right here, a list of the ten best ways to put Christianity back where it belongs, in Christmas. And here they are , so pay attention, the ten best ways too be Christian at Christmas:
10. Knock up a virgin.And the number 1 way to bring Christianity back into Christmas:9. Surprise friends and family with gifts of frankincense and myrrh.
8. Just before main course at Christmas dinner, take a collection.
7. Beat up a Jew.
6. Tell kids to pray for presents and that they will receive them only if their faith is strong enough.
5. Cast evil spirits out of turkey before cooking.
4. Beat up a Catholic/Protestant, choice dependent on your own preference.
3. When taking down Christmas tree, get other Christian neighbours together for a bonfire at which you burn the local heretic.
2. Stop coveting your neighbour's wife for the whole day.
1. Make sure devotion to Christ's sacred legacy of peace and love is well under control by the time you go back to work.:Posted December 22, 2005
Let's Put Christianity Back into Christmas © John FitzGerald, 2005
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