George W. Bush has a Deal for You!
an NIH exclusive
by George W. Bush, "president" of the United States
Dear world leader:
A few months ago, I or one of my associates called you about taking part in our fabulous spring break expedition to Iraq. Unfortunately, you were unable to take part in our expedition at that time, but many other world leaders were able to join us on this exciting adventure in the Middle East!
In fact, the expedition has been so successful that we realize that there's more than enough fun in Iraq to share with anyone who'd care to join us! That's why we're making a new special offer to YOU, our friend and – we hope – our ally, so that YOU can enjoy all the fun of an Iraq excursion with us!
We've made going to Iraq easier than ever before! You'll sleep under the stars at night, and have fun under them during the day! We've got all sorts of group activities for you to take part in – you're sure to find some you'll like – no, you're sure to find some you'll love!! You'll make new friends, see new places, do things you never thought you'd do!!!
Some of you told us you were upset in the spring by what you considered to be high pressure sales tactics on the part of our representatives. I'm afraid some people are just a little too serious for their own good! Things like so-called freedom fries and the occasional mention of possible trade repercussions were just a little good old-fashioned fun between friends – good friends, we've always thought. Perhaps the American sense of humour just doesn't travel well – but YOU can travel well, just by acting on this special offer!!!
But you must act now! The special Iraq travel offer is available for a limited time only. So pick up that phone, call up your nearest American embassy, and say "Count me in!!!!" If you call now, we'll give you absolutely free a "My Country Occupied Iraq and All I Got was this Lousy T-Shirt" T-shirt (size XL only)! Don't delay – act today!!
See you in Iraq!!!!!
(Offer is conditional on provision of at least 10,000 troops and appropriate materiel. Troops to be under the command of the United States military establishment in Iraq. United States military will determine appropriateness of materiel. Not responsible for injury or death, whether in Iraq or elsewhere, however caused. Electricity and water supply may be unreliable. All transactions are final. No refunds or exchanges. Taxes not included.
Product may not be exactly as shown.)
Posted September 4, 2003
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