Don Cherry, Breasts, and War
by modern living editor Jason Capodimonte
Janet Jackson's breast has probably hired its own agent by now.
Does anyone remember any other participant in the Super Bowl? The game itself has vanished into the mists of time, but Ms Jackson's breast will probably be getting its own talk show soon.
One thing has never been made clear, though – just what did this breast do? From the way people are going on you'd think that after it popped out it gave the finger to the American flag or something. The Federal Communications Commission is holding an inquiry into the breast's national TV appearance. Really. I'm waiting to see if they subpoena it.
Well, there's a difference between Canada and the United States – in American sports much ado about nothing, in Canadian sports little ado about something, namely the recent antics of Don Cherry and Ron MacLean, the comedy team that performs between periods on Hockey Night in Canada.
People seem most upset about Mr. Cherry's recent claims that that players who wear visors are cowardly, most likely to high stick, and either French Canadian or European. Ignorant as these remarks are, they are at least testable (which is more than one can say, for example, about Rush Limbaugh's remarks about the American press's attitude toward Donovan McNabb). It would be easy enough to establish who high sticks and what language they speak and where they come from. Of course, maybe Mr. Cherry could have looked into establishing those things before shooting off his mouth, but perhaps I expect too much of all those white people on HNIC.
Mr. MacLean's comment is a different matter. At the opening of the Bobby Orr Hall of Fame he observed that the problem with French immersion is that "they don't hold them down long enough" (he courageously attributed this belief to Mr. Cherry rather than to himself).
Well, bigots have a right to work, too, eh? On the other hand, non-bigots should also get a chance to make big money representing a corporation and doing a better job of it than Mr. Cherry and Mr. MacLean seem interested in doing. Mr. Cherry and Mr. MacLean are not paid minimum wage. One would think that as public figures they have a responsibility not to tarnish the reputation of their employer. You'd also think that as an "analyst" Mr. Cherry would be under some obligation to make contact with reality occasionally.
Of course, the article I linked to earlier says that Mr. MacLean and Mr. Cherry are not hired as analysts, but rather as a pair of clowns. But Amos and Andy were a pair of clowns, and we don't find them funny any more.
So what has the CBC done? No Canadian will be surprised to find that the answer is nothing. In the States, CBS went into hysterics after Ms Jackson's breast popped out, but the CBC says only that it doesn't share Mr. MacLean's and Mr. Cherry's opinions. As I have mentioned, the FCC has called an inquiry into Janet Jackson's breast. The CRTC? Nothing. Not even Canadian Parents for French could work up a good head of steam about the French immersion remark – only one provincial chapter managed to find the energy to complain to the CBC and demand that Mr. MacLean be fired.
Which brings us to the invasion of Iraq – as I'm sure you've already realized, because you are hip, sophisitcated, NEW IMPROVED HEAD readers. Does not the rush to invade Iraq resemble the rush to condemn Ms Jackson? Whatever you think about the adequacy of the arguments made by the American administration in favour of war, it's clear the American public didn't give the proverbial rat's patoot about those arguments. Polls were finding majorities of their respondents believing that some of the September 11 hijackers were Iraqis! The American administration never made that claim, but the American people believed it anyway. They wanted some action, damn it, and they were going to believe whatever justified getting some. Janet Jackson and Iraq just furnished the opportunities.
Whereas in Canada we didn't go looking for trouble with Iraq. So okay, we don't really have any armed forces, which makes it easy to stay out of wars. Even if you support the war you know Canada won't be playing a leading role if it takes part.
But why don't we have any armed forces? Because for forty years successive governments have been cutting the military budget without Canadians doing anything about it. We are proud of the few troops we have left, but will be damned before we pay for any more of them.
We're not like those Yankees, throwing their money around frenziedly in search of excitement. We put our money in Registered Retirement Savings Plans.
And as for Don Cherry and Ron MacLean, we know the cheap solution – find the mute button. For fun, we prefer curling. At least for most of the year the European curlers stay in Europe.
Posted February 6, 2004
Don Cherry, Breasts, and War © Coolth, 2004
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