What the Blackout Means to Me
a NEW IMPROVED HEAD special report
We are blessed here at NEW IMPROVED HEAD with a staff of experts in all fields – all fields that count, anyway. And our global headquarters in Freelton was in the heart of last week's electricity blackout. So our first priority as soon as the power went out was to start collecting our experts' opinions of the blackout, and the opinions of other important figures. And here they are:
Jason Capodimonte: Let's see. Hydro One is operated by the same people who gave us TVOntario. I rest my case.
Wentworth Sutton: Electricity, as we know, is a symbol of motherhood. It energizes, it animates, in a very real sense it gives life. Its sudden withdrawal revealed the essential childishness of modern society. Deprived of maternal control, the people went and did what mummy never lets them do: they went out and sat in bars all night long. Instead of offering themselves for service in restoring power, they expected their father figure, Ernie Eves, to look after it by himself for them. When he acted as if the people of Ontario were adults, they complained about what an inadequate daddy he was.
Roy Romanow: The system is in danger! We must act now! We must establish a Covenant in which government engages to provide the Canadian people with all the electricity it thinks they need! Politicians must appoint their cronies to an Electricity Council of Canada! Canadians must trust important people to do important things!
S. Cosburn Mortimer: I have already, in an earlier article, proposed a system which would have enabled us to avoid this blackout and any other blackout. Whether you agree with my proposal or not, I'm sure we can all agree with one conclusion I reached in the article:
[The change I proposed] may seem radical to many. However, the danger associated with it is certainly far less than the dangers associated with letting Mr. Ernest Eves or Mr. Dalton McGuinty run the electricity supply. Anyway, if either of these gentlemen has much to do in the near future with the running of the electricity supply, we will all be turning to batteries and generators out of necessity.Roland Barphe: Isn't keeping us in the dark what modern government is about?Michele Landsberg: So it turns out that all the people running this wonderful electrical grid which collapsed so readily are all men. I don't think any of us are surprised. It's the latest in a long line of horrifying examples of men using their power (sic) to oppress working women and families. Just because the lights went out we can't conclude that any supposed grid collapsed. I have reliable information that this blackout has been planned at the highest levels of the Bush administration since January, 2001.
Bryce Mallow, NIH marketing correspondent: Governments in both Canada and the United States were extremely inept at marketing the blackout. How much better people would feel if government had taken the simple step of marketing it as a Surprise Summer Break. I know I would!
Peter MacKay, leader of the Progressive Conservative party: I'm sure Canadians were impressed by the high profile I took on this issue.
Oprah Winfrey: Once again Dr. Phil is right. His first law is: Either you get it or you don't. Did the blackout prove that or what?
Don Cherry: Everybody's complaining about this blackout and everything. Why don't they do what red-blooded Canadians would do and stand behind their government? Spending a little time in the dark is nothing compared to a bodycheck from Stevie Smith! Get out on the ice every day in the NHL and see how rough some hydro blackout seems after that!
Elsie Wayne: Can't we all just shut up?
Posted August 17, 2003
What the Blackout Means to Me © Coolth, 2003
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